Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The points are just like a pizza robot in Italy

Season 1, Episode 20

Well, we're at the last episode of season one. Why you've read this far, I don't know.

The season finale kicks off with Weird Newscasters featuring Colin as a guy auditioning for a role in a horror movie, Denny as a Catskills Comedian, and Ryan carelessly throwing lit cigarettes around.
For the record, Colin completely owned this game:

Unfortunately, Frankenstein's Monster's*
cameo in the Blair Witch Project was
left on the cutting room floor.

Being shorter than his cousin,
Grand Duke Kong was forced to
climb a less illustrious monument.

However, I have to give props to Ryan for actually splashing water on himself after setting his shirt (and the entire west coast) on fire.

British Columbia is on fire, and
there's Mummy loose in the studio.

Ryan gets 500,000 points.

Next up is Multiple Personalities. I forget what item goes with which personality, but the three personalities are Liberace, Jimmy Stewart, and Scooby Doo. You know that this is going to be interesting.

Also, Jimmy Stewart sings Opera.

This is where things get complicated. Drew awards Colin "All the points." This is frustratingly vague. I'm assuming that he's not giving Colin all the points ever, as that would just be unfair to everyone else. As such, I will record Colin as having received a number point equal to all the other points awarded in this episode in addition to the points he earns normally. It's annoying when the points matter.

The next game is Fashion Show, featuring Professional Wrestlers.

These are not the professional wrestlers.

Maybe he's the pro wrestler, although
he looks more like he's in a
showstopping musical number.

This is really about as close to
pro wrestling as we're going to get.

Colin and Ryan get 1000 points each.

And now we move on to bring you the World's Worst President. In the words of Drew "You know who doesn't count". If you don't know who "You know who" is, you either live under a rock, or were born after 2006, in which case you're probably too young to even be able to read this.

"From now on, everyone in North
Dakota is named Tim!"

At least he isn't raising taxes.
No points.

Moving on, Props.

Ryan attempts to make the world's largest pizza.

Unfortunately, the cast of Code Geass beat him to it.

They even used a robot.
Does Ryan have a robot?
No, he doesn't.

1000 points to everyone. Except the Pizza Mech. Drew doesn't even know about it.

Next game is Party Quirks: Denny is Greg's Jewish Mother (totally not going to offend anyone), Colin likes putting his hands in people's pockets, and Ryan is various sea life being sucked into a propeller.

This is nothing; he'd do worse.

Colin gets 1000 points.

The final scoring game of season one is a Hoedown. Because there are no good images from the hoedown, you get this instead:

A Moe Anthropomorphism** of
the Death Star. If this isn't the
most random thing you've
seen today, your life is
overly interesting.

No one gets any points for the hoedown anyway.

Final Tally:
Denny: 1000
Greg: 1000
Colin: 507,000 (3000 points awarded normally, + 504,000 for "all the points")
Ryan: 502, 000
Total: 1,011,000

Colin has the most points (he got all of them), but Greg and Ryan share the victory.

Cumulative Total: Season one, all episodes: 1,506,157,972.5

And season one is complete!
I haven't gotten around to adding up the points for the individual players, and I don't know if I actually will. I might. If I do, I'll post it at some point, and if not, I'll go straight to season 2.
I'm probably going to take a break for a bit in between to get school stuff done. Exegesis of Greek is eating me alive, hence the updates being few and far between. Hopefully it'll get better later on.

*I am aware that Frankenstein is the name of the scientist who created the monster, not the monster itself.
** Yes, this page is where I got the picture.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The points are just like a hat to Don King.

Season 1, Episode 19

And the 2nd to last episode of season one begins!

It begins with Wierd Newscasters. Ryan is an astronaut doing a spacewalk when everything goes wrong, Wayne is Don King, and Colin is too emotionally attached to the stories.

The Onion* is so much better.

Brad gets 1000 points for his name, which is Chester Something Something Snapdragon McFisticuff.

The next game is Song Style, with Wayne and Brad singing a Disco Ballad to Sarah, an IT Consultant. If you want to know what an IT Consultant is, watch the episode.

Wayne's shoes are apparently really
awesome. Too bad we can't see them.

No points.

The next game is Sound Effects. On Colin's Wedding Day. On the Titanic. You can probably see where this is going.

"Is that an iceberg? I've never
seen one, so I wouldn't know."

Yes, Colin. Yes it is. No points.

Okay, lets see, what's up next?

Oh, yes. Props. With toilet plungers. (Yes, that's what those are.)

This is what happens when you
cut back on military spending.

Guess what? No points.

Next up is a game of "narrate", otherwise known as Film Noir...in a pizza parlor.

I would never eat here.

Ryan gets 500 points.

The final game is a Telethon for people who suck their thumbs.

This has nothing to do with the
telethon, but my computer is being
stupid and won't let me take a real
screenshot, so you get this instead.

Final Tally:
Brad: 1000
Wayne: 0
Colin: 0
Ryan: 500
Total: 1500

Brad has the most points, but Colin and Ryan win. Somehow.

Cumulative Total: Season 1, Episodes 1-19: 1505146972.5

*It should be obvious that this is a parody/satire site, but due to other examples of human stupidity, I feel compelled to point this out.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

The points are just like a razor to Santa Claus

Season One, Episode 18

Note: If this post happens to suck, it's because I was distracted by Mythbusters while I wrote it, so yeah.

We're (or I'm, since no one actually reads this anyway) almost to the end of season 1!!

It kicks off with a game of Questions Only, set at a singles bar.

"So are you actually single, or
just looking for personal validation?"

We also learn that there's apparently a town somewhere in Canada called "Left Noob". No idea if that's true or not, and I'm too lazy to find out. Yes, I know that searching on Google would take all of 5 minutes, but I'm lazy.

Ryan loses 100 points, but Colin gets 100 points for saying "Left Noob".

Next up, Wayne sings a song to Dennis, the Engineer, as a 60's girl group.

At least Dennis seems to be
enjoying himself...

Dennis ought to be happy, Drew awards him 1,500,000,000. Yes, you read that right, fifteen hundred million points. Much more than all the other points Drew has given away combined.

Ok, so next we have Newsflash:

Well, someone's childhood has just been destroyed.

Although I guess there are worse things that could happen. Like seeing Santa dancing at a club.

I guess I spoke too soon.

Well, I guess it could be worse. Santa could turn out to be a shriveled green midget.

Wait, that's Yoda! That's a good thing!

Either way, no one gets any points.
Next up is Hey You Down There! I am never going camping with Colin and Ryan. Ever.

According to Colin, this is
how you put out someone
who's on fire.

Ryan, Colin, and Denny all get 1000 points.

Now we move on to Party Quirks. Wayne is a group of teenage girls at a slumber party, Colin is the summer olympics in 30 seconds, and Ryan is a giraffe getting shot with a tranquilizer dart.

This is a giraffe that has been
shot by a traq dart. Really.

No points. The final scoring game is Scene to Rap: Escaping from a Tsunami.
You can probably guess where this is going.

Has an actual rapper ever
actually used that dance move?

Final Tally:
Wayne: 0
Denny: 1000
Colin: 1100
Ryan: 900
Dennis: 1,500,000,000
Total: 1,500,003,000

The winner is Dennis, obviously, but Drew awards the winner to Ryan and Colin. Which is probably a good thing, because I don't think that Dennis would want to play Helping Hands with Drew.

Cumulative Total: Season 1, Episode 18: 1,505,145,472,5