The points are just like Atkins to a sumo wrestler.

Season 1, Episode 12

And we begin yet another episode of Whose Line, once again with a game of "lets make a date".

Brad is the guy from The Price Is Right who announces the showcases, Colin is the world's biggest glutton, and Ryan is a talking chicken who has trouble laying an egg. So a constipated chicken, basically.

"Om nom nom"

Ryan picks up 1000 points, despite being killed and eaten by Colin.

Next, Brad and Wayne sing a 60's rhythm and blues song to Dana, a Dental Hygienist (because "dentist" wasn't good enough, apparently).

"Dana, give me some Novocaine-a!”

Dana picks up 2000 points, taking the lead.

Colin then does a Newsflash concerning what appears to be monkeys having a snowball fight.

Pictured: Monkeys.

No points for Colin.
Although I will say that we need more tv shows that involve monkeys doing strange activities. Like jousting.

This is the first picture that came up
when I did a Google search for
"Jousting Monkeys". Although
I'm also quite curious about that
"Jesus Shaves" thing in the background.

Moving on....to Film, TV, and Theater styles: Birdman of Alcatraz.

Well, it superficially resembles Sumo Wrestling.

The audience takes the lead with 1,000,000 points.

Finishing up the show is a Telethon for NBA players. Because they need the cash.

These are not the NBA players.

No one gets anything out of this, least of all the NBA players.

Final tally:
Brad: 0
Wayne: 0
Colin: 0
Ryan: 1000
Dana: 2000
Audience: 1,000,000
Total: 1,003,000

The audience has the most points, but Wayne gets the victory.

Cumulative total: Season 1; episodes 1-12: 5,017,422.5

Bonus Theological Content: If you don't care about theology, go do something else.

Today's topic is sovereignty. People complain about God a lot. A lot.
"If God is good, why is there suffering?"
"Why didn't God make the world differently?"
"Why does my life suck?"
"Why is Disney still producing musical 'artists' "?

Really, that's presuming far too much. Can anyone really honestly say that they think they could do a better job? Let's assume that God is omniscient; that is, he knows all. Literally all. This means he has taken every possible factor into account. Can a finite person really claim to know better?

Then there's the matter of a lack of foresight. We complain about suffering in this world as if this world is all that matters. I would think that God is aware of more than that. Such as, oh...the afterlife, maybe? What suffering we put up with in this life may very well turn out to be largely irrelevant or minor in the grand scheme of things.

But that's just a side issue.

The real issue of sovereignty here is this: say that God really doesn't have any particular reason for making the world the way it is other than he wanted it that way? Can we really say that something is wrong with that? I don't think so. God defines "right" and "wrong". He could have created a world that was just one big fight to the death, purely for his own amusement, and it would still be, in the strictest sense, "right". God is not answerable to a "higher" standard. He is the standard.

Sure, we may not like it, but that does not make it "wrong". We wouldn't call the author of a book a bad person because he allows the characters in the book to suffer. Then why would we call God "bad" when he allows people in the world to suffer? Surely there is a greater gap between the being that quite literally defines reality and the lesser beings that he "wrote" from scratch. Even authors do not truly create characters; they merely build them out of existing materials; emotions and motivations. Do they really have any right to rebel against the author that wrote them?

Okay, rambling over. Go do something useful with your life.

The points are just like the Internet to an Amish man.

Season 1, Episode 5

And here we go.

We start out with yet another "Let's make a Date". Featuring Brad as an Amish guy (not Sean Connery). Colin also gets to go to the dentist, and Ryan turns into a parrot. A very tall parrot.
Karen gets 1000 points for being cute, even though she gets Brad confused with Sean Connery.

Pictured: Not Sean Connery

Next up is song styles. Brad sings a rousing ballad about political science to Naroshi (no idea how that's spelled), and actually manages to come up with some (incredibly strained) rhymes: close-y, brioche, suntan loti-y, etc.

"Across the whole Pacific Ocea-y!"

Yeah. Well, he got 100 points for that one. I don't know why either.

Moving on... Daytime Talk Show. With Alice in Wonderland. Which quickly devolves into Jerry Springer.

Truly the pinnacle of entertainment.

No points here.

Now: Props.

I'm not sure what this is supposed to be.

Brad almost gets points, but gives Drew a dirty look and receives nothing.

Next game is Film Dub. The original film is apparently a romantic western which involves a werewolf somehow.

Okay, somebody explain to me how this
image could possibly make any sense.

Colin gets 100 points because he wanted a perm. No, really.

Now we got to ESPN's Table Waiting Championships!
The sole purpose of Sportscasters is to make an epic event out of the most mundane events imaginable.

Next time you get a lousy waiter at Olive Garden*,
just be glad they're not these guys**.

Not worth any points though.

*Not meant as an insult to Olive Garden.
** Actually, It would be kind of awesome to have Colin and Ryan waiting on you in slow motion.

Ah, yes. The infamous Hoedown. About tourists and people who talk in theaters. Apparently Ryan is that tall guy who inevitably sits in front of you every time.

At least he doesn't talk on his cell phone.

Being tall gets you no points.

Final Tally:
Brad: 100
Karen: 1000
Colin: 100
Ryan: 0
Total: 1200

Colin and Ryan win, because, as Drew says, He likes them best. True enough, as Karen technically won, with 1000 points.

Cumulative points, Season 1, Episodes 1-5: 1003622.5

Extra bonus stuff:

Because it's Sunday, I'm going to rant about theology! Why? Because I have to write it somewhere or I'll forget. Don't complain about it; you don't have to read it. If I make a factual error of some kind feel free to point it out, but don't be a jerk about it.

Today's topic is the Omnipotence Paradox, which basically asks the question "Could an Omnipotent God" create a rock so big that he could not lift it?" Quite a few people use this as evidence that an omnipotent God cannot exist. As you can see on the Wikipedia page (if you take the time to read it), for years people have tried to come up with a satisfactory answer to this.

The most common explanations, at least ones that don't end with "therefore, God is not omnipotent", still tend to limit God's power in some way. "God can do anything that is not logically impossible" for instance. Of course, that isn't really omnipotence. Omni means "all", not "all situations except for [X]". So if we say that God is truly omnipotent, there must be another way to explain it.

My explanation for this is the same as Descartes' view: "God can create a rock so heavy that he cannot lift it, and then lifts it anyway." Obviously, this is not logically consistent. However, we really don't have any basis for assuming that a transcendent God would be bound by logic. The Christian (by this, I mean "that which the Bible teaches", not any of the many other traditions and beliefs with no biblical basis) perception of God is that He created (and transcends) everything. Logic included.

God more or less wrote the rules of logic, and therefore we cannot assume that he is bound by them. I'm not trying to imply that God is chaotic or illogical, just that the form of logic we use to reason does not necessarily apply to him. He can still be logical, but not follow our rules.

Think of someone who is writing the programming code for a computer game, like a form of A.I. The programmer is logical, and programs the A.I. to be logical, but is not bound to the rules that the A.I. has to follow. Saying that God cannot do something that we find illogical is like claiming that the programmer can't open a door because the code he's written doesn't contain information on doors.

So my answer to the paradox? "God creates a rock that's too heavy for Him to lift, and lifts it anyway. He's God. He can do that"

So there's another wall of text down. Go do something useful with your life.