Friday, April 30, 2010

The points are just like sympathy to a Drill Sergeant

Season Two, Episode Two

And I finally get around to doing another post. Of course, no one reads this anyway, so it doesn't really matter a whole lot. Also, I'm going to show off my lack of GIMP skills.

Weird Newscasters is the first game, with Colin as a Gangster in a getaway car, Wayne is in love with the camera man, and Ryan is plugging a hole in a leaky dam.

Yes, having that hat is the only
thing required for being
a gangster.

Naturally, Ryan's attempt to prevent the dam from leaking ends in an epic fail.

See, this is why you don't skimp on construction materials.

Drew awards Larry the Cameraman 1000 points for putting up with Wayne's advances.

I give Ryan 700 points for "To all my friends in Pomona, sorry you have to live there", and also for utterly failing his mission.

The Duet game that comes next features Wayne and Brad singing to Cheryl a writer/mom, in the style of some band called the Gipsy Kings.

I am aware that the lettering on Brad's crown is now backwards.

Brad and Wayne each get 9000 points from Drew.

Next game is Newsflash, with Colin Mochrie being sent to the field...

...underwater, with sharks.

Well, I supposed he could be worse off.

It's just a joke, I don't really hate Spongebob*.

Think about where he could have ended up.

I'm aware most people probably won't get this joke**.

Drew gives no points, but I, as much as I hate puns, will give him 300 points for using the phrase "an act of Cod". No one else could get away with that.

Next up is Party Quirks: Wayne is a tape being rewound and fast-forwarded, Colin is a waiter on a cruise ship during a storm, and Ryan is a hyperactive lap dog looking for a lap.

Needless to say, this image pretty much sums up the game:

What? I had crappily photoshop something into the picture.

No one gets any points, but I give the guy in the picture 500 points. Just because.

The final scoring game is Scenes from a Hat.

"I just want to stand here and
stare at my privates!"

Okay, not gonna touch that one with a ten foot pole. Drew gives no points, but I'll give Colin 700 points; 500 for his "Corpses Bobbing in the Sea" song, and 200 for "I'm Colin Mochrie for Rogaine". Wayne gets 500 points from me for "I'm Mike Tyson for Encyclopedia Britannica!"

Final Tally:
Wayne: 9000
Brad: 9000
Colin: 0
Ryan: 0
Larry The Camera Guy: 1000
Total Points: 19,000

Wayne and Brad tie for the win, but only Wayne gets official credit for it.

Cumulative Total: Season 2, Episodes 1-2: 3,024,200

*Although Squidward is way better than Spongebob.
** For those who don't know, this is the Water Temple from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and is one of the most infamously frustrating video game levels ever. There's a good reason it's one of the first entries on the Action Adventure page. (obligatory warning about TvTropes ruining your life goes here).

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The points are just like vegetables to a vulture.

Season 2, Episode 1

And Season 2 begins. I'm going to start awarding my own points, because I feel like it. I'm not going to tally them or add them to Drew's total, though. Too much work, and it would skew the results. Which, of course, don't matter.

Season 2 kicks off with a game of Let's Make a Date, with Wayne as the cast of South Park, Colin being tortured in a medieval dungeon, and Ryan as a vulture looking for the ultimate feast. I think we know where this is going.

What did I tell you?

If you missed it the first time, here's a closer look:
Disturbing, isn't it?

Of course, that isn't truly the "ultimate feast".

You knew that this was coming.

Drew awards 1000 points to everyone.
I'm not quite so liberal with handing out free points. I give Colin 500 for managing to hold his arms up the whole time, and 1000 to Ryan for making this face:

Stare at this for too
long and your eyes
will pop out.

The next game is Three Headed Broadway star, bringing us the big love song "Timber" from the musical "Lumberjacks in Love". This sounds suspiciously like the beginning to a certain Monty Python Routine.

"He cuts down trees/
he eats his lunch/
he goes to the lavat'ry!"

Wayne's wife, Ryan's wife, and Colin's wife each get 400 points for putting up with these guys.

I award Colin 1000 points for causing the phrase "Crushing people is it's own reward", and another 1000 for mentioning "Steve". Wayne gets 500 for drowning the trees earlier in the song, and another 500 for bringing a sword.

Props is next up. It really speaks for itself. Such as "Pepto-Bismol on

Or maybe churning butter.

Pictured: Rejected Teletubbies.

Drew awards no points, but I give Chip and Ryan 500 each for referring to Star Wars.

The next game is Stand, Sit, and Lie, where Wayne, Ryan, and Colin are out camping and....oh wait, Drew read the wrong card. They're actually in a tattoo parlor. This cannot end well. Somebody will probably end up with this on their bicep:

"The guy at the shop said that it
means 'Beautiful Warrior' in Chinese!*"

No, no, no, you're supposed to be
doing different things.

Drew awards Wayne, Ryan, and Colin 1,000,000 points each.

I give Drew 100 points for reading the wrong card, and Colin 500 points for starting the game by making fun of Drew for reading the wrong card.

The final scoring game is Greatest Hits: Songs of the Dentist.


Drew gives no points.

I give Colin 500 for "Neil Diamond, Neil Young, Paul McCartney: Those are just some the names of guys who can sing!"
Ryan loses 5o0 for "Just say no...vocaine." Ugh.

Final Tally:
Wayne: 1,001,000
Chip: 1,000
Colin: 1,001,000
Ryan: 1,001,000
Wayne's wife: 400
Colin's wife: 400
Ryan's Wife: 400
Total points: 3, 005,200

Wayne, Colin, and Ryan tie with the most points, but Wayne is the official winner.

Cumulative Total: Season 2, Episode 1: 3,005,200

*This is Japanese, and if my sources are correct, it is the kanji for the word "baka", which means "idiot", "fool", or "stupid". Needless to say, if you ever see someone with tattoo of this, feel free to laugh your head off at them. Unless they'll beat you up. If you ever feel compelled get a tattoo in a foreign language, always double check with somebody who knows the language so stuff like this doesn't happen.