Sunday, April 11, 2010

The points are just like vegetables to a vulture.

Season 2, Episode 1

And Season 2 begins. I'm going to start awarding my own points, because I feel like it. I'm not going to tally them or add them to Drew's total, though. Too much work, and it would skew the results. Which, of course, don't matter.

Season 2 kicks off with a game of Let's Make a Date, with Wayne as the cast of South Park, Colin being tortured in a medieval dungeon, and Ryan as a vulture looking for the ultimate feast. I think we know where this is going.

What did I tell you?

If you missed it the first time, here's a closer look:
Disturbing, isn't it?

Of course, that isn't truly the "ultimate feast".

You knew that this was coming.

Drew awards 1000 points to everyone.
I'm not quite so liberal with handing out free points. I give Colin 500 for managing to hold his arms up the whole time, and 1000 to Ryan for making this face:

Stare at this for too
long and your eyes
will pop out.

The next game is Three Headed Broadway star, bringing us the big love song "Timber" from the musical "Lumberjacks in Love". This sounds suspiciously like the beginning to a certain Monty Python Routine.

"He cuts down trees/
he eats his lunch/
he goes to the lavat'ry!"

Wayne's wife, Ryan's wife, and Colin's wife each get 400 points for putting up with these guys.

I award Colin 1000 points for causing the phrase "Crushing people is it's own reward", and another 1000 for mentioning "Steve". Wayne gets 500 for drowning the trees earlier in the song, and another 500 for bringing a sword.

Props is next up. It really speaks for itself. Such as "Pepto-Bismol on

Or maybe churning butter.

Pictured: Rejected Teletubbies.

Drew awards no points, but I give Chip and Ryan 500 each for referring to Star Wars.

The next game is Stand, Sit, and Lie, where Wayne, Ryan, and Colin are out camping and....oh wait, Drew read the wrong card. They're actually in a tattoo parlor. This cannot end well. Somebody will probably end up with this on their bicep:

"The guy at the shop said that it
means 'Beautiful Warrior' in Chinese!*"

No, no, no, you're supposed to be
doing different things.

Drew awards Wayne, Ryan, and Colin 1,000,000 points each.

I give Drew 100 points for reading the wrong card, and Colin 500 points for starting the game by making fun of Drew for reading the wrong card.

The final scoring game is Greatest Hits: Songs of the Dentist.


Drew gives no points.

I give Colin 500 for "Neil Diamond, Neil Young, Paul McCartney: Those are just some the names of guys who can sing!"
Ryan loses 5o0 for "Just say no...vocaine." Ugh.

Final Tally:
Wayne: 1,001,000
Chip: 1,000
Colin: 1,001,000
Ryan: 1,001,000
Wayne's wife: 400
Colin's wife: 400
Ryan's Wife: 400
Total points: 3, 005,200

Wayne, Colin, and Ryan tie with the most points, but Wayne is the official winner.

Cumulative Total: Season 2, Episode 1: 3,005,200

*This is Japanese, and if my sources are correct, it is the kanji for the word "baka", which means "idiot", "fool", or "stupid". Needless to say, if you ever see someone with tattoo of this, feel free to laugh your head off at them. Unless they'll beat you up. If you ever feel compelled get a tattoo in a foreign language, always double check with somebody who knows the language so stuff like this doesn't happen.

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