Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The points are just like blogs to the Amish.

Season 1, Episode 17

And welcome to yet another episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway, featuring Stephen Colbert!
In America!*

This episode begins with a game of Weird Newscasters. Colin is speaking in baby talk to Stephen:
Or maybe churning some butter.

Wayne is Bill Cosby:

And Ryan is in love with the camera.
As evidenced by the fact that he
does this kind of thing all the time.

The cameraman gets 1000 points for putting up with Ryan's advances.

The next game is Scene to Rap. In an avalanche.
On Skis.

And Colin still can't rap.
There's no sound, but you can just tell.

Colin gets 50 points despite his lack of rhythm.

Moving people is the next game. Colin and Ryan are Navy SEALS who must swim out to sea to sabotage an enemy ship.
Hopefully the real Navy SEALS
are more competent than this.

No points.

And now: Props.
"Welcome to midget Jamaica!"

This is either football, or a guy with
excessive dental work yelling at
a sprinter for his poor form.

Everybody gets 1000 points.

We now interrupt this post to bring you "Greatest Hits: Songs of the Pro Bowler"!

He's singing. It's hard to get an
interesting screencap.

No points.

The final scoring game is Party Quirks. Wayne is the doing the longest touchdown celebration ever, Colin is a lobster talking his way out of being cooked, and Ryan is Crash Test Dummy footage. But all you really need to know is this:
Wayne never passes up an
opportunity to breakdance.

No points though.

Final Tally:
Wayne: 1000
Stephen: 1000
Colin: 1050
Wayne: 1000
Cameraman: 1000
Total: 5050

Colin accumulates the most points, but Stephen is the victor. Probably because he looks like this:
Yeah, he wins.

Cumulative Total, Season 1: Episodes 1-17: 5,142,472.5

*If you don't get the joke, watch this.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The points are just like a ten gallon hat to someone who lives in New Jersey

Season One, Episode 16

And yet another episode of Who's Line Is It Anyway begins.
This time, the starting game is Superheroes, starring:
  • Body and Paint Man: With the power to fix the dings on you car
  • Just Back From The Dentist After A Root Canal Man: with the power to speak unintelligibly
  • The Exhibitionist Kid: With the power to [trust me you don't want to know]
  • Captain Breakdance: His power should be obvious.
Captain Breakdance demonstrates his power.

Somehow, this power is supposed to solve the crisis of bad wallpaper. Captain Breakdance then defaults to his secondary power of graffiti to "fix" the problem. Crisis averted.

1000 points to everyone except Colin, who gets 800, for thinking that Wayne couldn't actually breakdance.

Next up is Weird Newscasters. Colin thinks he's in a confessional (you can see where this is going), Wayne is underwater, and Ryan is a toddler looking for his mommy.

There's a good reason that Brad is
making that face, but you don't
want to know what it is.

I don't know how priests do it. They probably know far more about people than anyone would ever want to know.

This would probably help a bit.

Anyway, Wayne drowns, and Ryan finds his mommy.

Pictured: Ryan with his "mommy".

No points are to be had here.

We move on to Scenes from a Ten Gallon Hat.

This hat is not patriotic enough.

Since the rest of the game is pretty much just people standing, there really isn't a good picture available. Except for this:

People who shouldn't rap.
Less of a joke, more of
an objective statement.

Still no points.

Props is up next. No one gets any points except the guy who burns the props. Ok, that makes no sense. Why would you burn the props? And why award points to the guy that does it?

It's kinda stupid looking, but seriously, burning it?

Oh, a giant magnifying glass. How horrible.

Oh. Okay. I rescind my previous
sarcasm. Burn the props.

Ok, just give me a second here to get that image out of my head...


Okay, I'm good.

Our final scoring game is Greatest Hits: Songs of the Exterminator. Colin decides to be evil, and start of the commercial with an instrumental.

Guys, instrumental means
"No Vocals".

Brad sure looks...intense. Hmmm....

Okay okay! I won't do the staring
thing again like I did last time...

Final Tally:
Brad: 1000
Wayne: 1000
Colin: 800
Ryan: 1000
Guy who burns the props: 1000
Total: 4800

Point winner: Everyone but Colin
Official Winner: Colin and Ryan

Yup. The points don't matter. What did you expect?

Cumulative Total: Season 1, Episodes 1-16: 5,137,422.5

Friday, February 12, 2010

The points are just like camouflage to the invisible man.

Season 1, Episode 15

We open this episode with Puzzled/Disgusted Greg.

This image has no significance,
but I think it's funny, so here it is.

The first game is Weird Newscasters. It's really a pity that the news doesn't function this way in real life. Maybe then I would actually watch it. Of course, having a James Bond villain do the newscast might not work out so well, but that's a minor inconvenience.

I am perfectly aware of how
stupid this joke is*.

Wayne is unfortunate enough to
lose his girlfriend to a bald man in the audience.

This man is so pimpin' that he
stole Wayne Brady's girlfriend.

Ryan is a psycho with a chainsaw.

With an irrational hatred
for stools, apparently.

Drew award 1000 points to the bald guy that stole Wayne's girl. And 1000 points to the other bald guy sitting next to the first bald guy.

Congratulations, Bald Guy.
And also to Bald Guy #2, who's
offscreen to the right.

Moving on to a game that doesn't involve any bald people, we have Song Styles with Wayne Brady, who must sing a Cab Calloway song to Carly (Carley?) the fashion designer.

I didn't think that overalls were ever in style for anyone who didn't grow up on a farm. Maybe her dad was a farmer**.

After the song, Drew awards a hefty 100,000 the estate of Cab Calloway. Sorry Wayne.

Next up is Hats.

"Date me! Date meeeeee!"

This picture needs no caption.

In retrospect, it's probably
a good thing that Colin went bald.

No points.
Okay, moving on from that disturbing image, we have a game of Sportscasters. The sport of the day is Plumbing, the #2 Least-Exciting-to-Watch-Sport ever. (#1 is Curling) But at least plumbing has dramatic Slo-mo.

And an invisible plunger
to the face.*

And we revert back to middle school.

Everybody gets 1000 points.

Now we have Film Dub. Something about two suitors trying to impress girl's father.

You only wish you had a hat like that.

Really, Mr. Beard Guy here really seems hard to impress. Just look at him. He just looks hard to impress.

"Impress me. I dare you."

Man, I wonder what would happen if this guy and Puzzled/Disgusted Greg had a staring contest.

Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh.....Ok. Drew awards everybody 1000 beers.

The final scoring game is Greatest Hits: Songs of the Mechanic.

This is my shoe. Look at it.

No points.

Final Tally:
Greg: 1000 points, 1000 beers
Wayne: 1000 points
Colin: 1000 points, 1000 beers
Ryan: 1000 points, 1000 beers
Bald Guy #1: 1000 points
Bald Guy #2: 1000 points
Estate of Cab Calloway: 100,000 points.
Total: 106,000 points, 3000 beers

The Estate of Cab Calloway has the most points, but the victory goes to Wayne.

Cumulative Total: Season 1, Episodes 1-15: 5,132,622.5

*If you don't get the joke, read this.
** I'm allowed to say that. Both my parents grew up on farms.